This spam's for you

Do you ever have the (irrational, piercing, guilty) feeling that a spam message was actually meant for you? In that instant between seeing the header and deleting the mail, do you find yourself reflexively thinking: “Yes!” or, worse, "Oh no!"

Well, I do, sometimes. Take these, from this morning's spam harvest:

Need to loose [sic] a few pounds? (Alas, yes.)
Want your prescription? (Definitely!)
Waiting for your reply! (Uh-oh; what did I forget this time?)
Improved memory? (Yes, please.)
Large Stomach and thighs be gone! (Pretty please.)
Let us compare fantasies! (You go first.)
G00d sleep (From your keyboard to God's ear.)
Increase your p e*nis width (Oops! Wrong post.)

Those canny spammers have their collective finger squarely on the pulse of middle-aged insecurity and guilt.

Coming soon in this blog space:
Decoding Portuguese and Chinese spam headers for pleasure and profit
and
Welcome to the wacky world of spam 'nyms!

Happy deleting.