Anne Notations

Monday, January 11, 2010

2010


• Time hiccuped me past Christmas at warp speed. Right about now I'm ready to celebrate the holiday in style. I want to make butter cookies … listen to every one of our Christmas CDs (which are actually on my iPod, which I confess I haven't learned how to use) … slowly and thoughtfully wrap each little gift in designer paper and raffia ties … do the weekly Advent wreath readings and candle-lightings in our kitchen. I want to sit in silence and admire our tree in the darkness. I want to sit in silence and contemplate mysteries in our church. I want to do it all now, slowly, savoring every holy and secular bit of a season I've loved since I was old enough to help my mother hang ornaments on a real cut pine tree. A season that escaped me this year.

Brant geese on the bay, Jan. 1, 2010

In a mirror:
Recently I have caught glimpses of myself through others' eyes, inadvertently. Now I question my goodness, my behavior. People who know me in person "get" that I joke, I tease, I flirt. I play in the funhouse of language and culture. I employ snappy retorts and word-plays. But I've seen my words, intended to amuse, read differently on Facebook and elsewhere that I leave comments – signature tracks in the cyberwoods. It has occurred to me that some other people (people whom I admire) are serious by nature and assume I am not; that my online persona can bewilder or put off; that my eclectic interests (Star Wars! The White Stripes!) may be met with: … I have been peering through the back side of the mirror more and more, seeing what others see and thinking about who I am. Who I want to be. How I want to act and to treat others.

Photography: I enjoy taking photographs. Perhaps even more, I find I like editing them... popping up or muting the contrast, taking out some shadows, cropping to accentuate a detail or a design. It's sort of analogous to the enjoyment I find in editing words. Sometimes I'll go a week without leaving my camera at home. It's almost a security object, and I hang on tight.

Passages: A friend has lost his mother. Another friend has lost her job. A relative was hospitalized with swine flu. (Better now, thank God.) A friend has a lump in her breast. A son has fallen in love yet again, head over heels, o why can't he hold back a little. My husband's job is going well, the company expanding, his boss a godsend. I am on a wheel that is turning, turning, children spinning off into the world, husband away, dog aging relentlessly, people fighting for their health, for their lives, winter turning toward spring, friends leaving, friends coming back into my life. I fear we are no longer making memories, only a living, if that. I fear … yet still I hope for my children's sakes.


Sicut erat in principio, et nunc, et semper, et in sæcula sæculorum. Is it true?

9 Comments:

  • nice post. worth waiting for. you needed space and then this came. i have not been posting or emailing much at all, just writing privately and doing life, not a privelege everyone I know and love has. Been writing kind of the way I imagine JD Salinger has been for years. Your musings are bittersweet, they are well written and welcome. One of my favorite sayings is from Mr. Fred Rogers, if its mentionable its manageable. Perhaps I need to mnention more. Perhaps mentioning /managing (rather than vanity or too much time on one's hands as some imply) is the true source of the need to blog publicly - a need I've been consciously supressing for some time.

    By Blogger rabbi neil fleischmann, at Tue Jan 12, 12:43:00 AM EST  

  • The Brant geese look like a fragment of arabic text, spun around and read through the back of the parchment.

    What might it say?

    By Blogger Marsosudiro, at Tue Jan 12, 01:18:00 AM EST  

  • Phil: Wow! I almost included in the caption under the geese photo: "Arabic text? Or Brant geese on the Bay." But then I figured, Let people see what they see in the photo. Nice to know we were on the same interpretive page, friend.
    Neil: Thank you. I love the Mr. Rogers quote. Now, what do I do with the *unmentionable* stuff? ;-)

    By Blogger Anne D., at Tue Jan 12, 08:40:00 AM EST  

  • Anne, I feel the same way about Christmas now that it's over. I want to re-do it not wait for next year to roll around. It's my favorite time of the year but I was too busy, tired, unmotivated when it was here...
    I always enjoy your blog and have been checking in to see if it has been updated. Thank you...

    By Blogger r_weeks, at Tue Jan 12, 09:36:00 AM EST  

  • Be true to yourself, Anne. I like what I see and hear-- just as you are. :]

    Juli

    By Anonymous JM, at Tue Jan 12, 10:26:00 AM EST  

  • I think his idea was that everything can be mentioned in some context. I'm wondering if he counted prayer (I know he valued it in genral) in this thesis.

    By Blogger rabbi neil fleischmann, at Sat Jan 16, 09:13:00 PM EST  

  • Who says you can't admire your tree and listen to Christmas music now? ;) (I just caught up on some holiday-themed podcasts yesterday, LOL)

    I've always had moments where I feel like no one is getting me, and while I'm waiting to come out of those times I've been lucky to find a golden few (like you) who will write something to make me realize the point is we have to enjoy what we enjoy for ourselves.

    No one does you like you, Anne, no one else can take your pictures, and no one else can write your thoughts. I enjoy what you share with us, how you can put even the hard parts of life into words that make me go, "YES, EXACTLY!" in my head as I'm reading them. Don't doubt yourself, your words may mean different things to different people, but you make people think. That's always good.

    Especially on Facebook, Facebook's like waving at friends on the freeway sometimes. :)

    By Blogger BrideOfPorkins, at Sun Jan 17, 09:01:00 PM EST  

  • Lynda.... That is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. Bless you, sweet friend.

    By Blogger Anne D., at Sun Jan 17, 09:20:00 PM EST  

  • Absolutely beautiful, Anne, as always. You should put your writings into a book. Sounds like you need some Wendell Berry--The Peace Of Wild Things. I keep that poem close at hand. I don't find you off-putting at all. I've never met you in person, but I perceive you to be a very genuine, down-to-earth, kind person who has a sassy sense of humor and finds joy in the little things. I think you're serious when you need to be. But I understand your thought process--I often wonder how I come across and I think it may not be good for everyone. LOL

    By Blogger Dawn, at Mon Jan 18, 01:47:00 PM EST  

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