Anne Notations

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Empty headed

Some days - too many days lately - the words just won't come. Ideas wink and flit inside my brain but when I try to write them here, they seem ridiculous or flimsy. I look at bloggers and columnists who stream words into cyberspace or newsprint every single day, and I am amazed and envious ... and ashamed.

In my early 40s, a year or so into fulltime parenthood, I began to realize that my creativity was being diverted and sapped. Motherhood, or the way I approached motherhood, required energy, imagination, adaptation, and most of my brain cells.

Now our kids are older and only two are still at home. I want to write again. More than that, I want to have something to say. Where did my thoughts go? Have I become banal and arid?

When I was younger, there was no World Wide Web, and in my spare time I read and read and walked outdoors and wrote. I kept journals. (Recently I shredded them all, finding them unbearable to read.) It's frightening to hit these empty spells, to think I have nothing left to say, no new experiences or thoughts to share.

Maybe I will try to write something, even a sentence, every day. We'll see.

3 Comments:

  • Good luck, luv. I worry sometimes that I'm getting every imaginable mental problem because my vocabulary isn't as great as it was when I was younger. I know what you mean about the Web, I seem to spend more time scanning headlines than actually absorbing anything lately.

    Even if you only write one word a day, I'll read it. :)

    By Blogger BrideOfPorkins, at Fri Dec 15, 09:11:00 PM EST  

  • I, too, know this feeling. Does it have something to do with where we work? ;-) As our hormones shake out, are we awaiting what Margaret Mead called "postmenopausal zest"? Dunno. But what a surprise to open up your blog today (12/23) to find multiple new posts. I've read from top to bottom (this entry) and have enjoyed each one.

    And brideofporkins - I find myself reading just headlines these days too!

    By Blogger tjs, at Sat Dec 23, 08:53:00 AM EST  

  • You write really well, stick to it.
    Also, if you've never seen the movie Mother - see it through till the end and you'll understand why bthis post made me think of recommending it.

    By Blogger rabbi neil fleischmann, at Sun Jan 07, 01:20:00 AM EST  

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