Blessings and prayers 3-13-10

Andrés, Caroline, and Andrés's girlfriend Rebecca.

1) Our son Andrés, who turned 24 today: His smile, his easiness with people, his gentleness with children, his compassion, his sense of humor are blessings to all who know him.

That he finds his path to a real career with a living wage and the hope of a stable life – and health insurance, always health insurance – I pray to the Lord. Lord, hear my prayer.

2) Our daughter Melinda, home yesterday for her spring break week from Syracuse: Into this late-winter anxiety-beset household she brings her unsinkable zest for life, her sunshine, her hugs for this tired ol' madre.

That she realizes her dreams, I pray to the Lord. Lord, hear my prayer.

3) Sweet Caroline, bubbling with excitement at the ungodly hour of 6:45 a.m. on Fridays when Leslie drops her off at our house; exclaiming as she hugs the dog, "I love Daisy the best!"; asking for her crayons and paper, "reading" her favorite books from the milk crate in the living room, skipping down the walking path to the playground near Iggy's and announcing to another four-year-old girl: "I'm Caroline. Are you a good girl?" and then playing for the next half-hour as I watch from a bench.

That we remain close, this dear girl and I, when we no longer have these gentle Fridays together, I pray to the Lord. Lord, hear my prayer.

4) Friends who send books. Friends who understand. Friendships that endure, that sustain me. Friends whose words inspire. Friends who make me laugh even on the blackest days. You all know who you are, or maybe you don't realize how much it means to me that you email, call, read this blog, write wonderful blogs of your own, leave a post or message on my Facebook page. It means a lot.

That I am always present to my friends with love and selflessness, as they are to me, I pray to the Lord. Lord, hear my prayer.

5) Fortitude in the face of uncertainty, indignity, self-doubt, and betrayal. In the past 20 years I have encountered unforeseen personal challenges and shocks. Most of the time Michael was at my side navigating the same rough waters, although once I believed even he had forsaken me. So far I have been blessed with a strong constitution, a willingness to seek the best help possible, and the will and opportunity to grow new interests and friendships while keeping depression at bay.

At the moment I am relying on every one of these blessings as I put one foot in front of the other and maintain my focus on what must be done, and done well. It's frustrating to be oblique and sometimes metaphorical in this blog. What I will say is this: I'm frightened. I'm lonely. I'm tired.

That I believe in myself, that I behave with dignity, that I keep an open mind and a generous heart in the coming weeks and months, I pray to the Lord.

Please, Lord – please hear my prayers.