Craigslist: Killer comedy

No, not the Craigslist Killer. Yikes. (And one of his attempted crimes happened right here in my town last week!)

I'm talking about the sometimes silly, often ignorant, and occasionally hilarious posts made by regular people selling their used bikes, venting about politics, trying to find a new roommate, etc. etc. on the free classifieds site.

Like this one I just read in the "Free" section of Providence Craigslist.

Free couch and loveseat set (Tan Microfiber)
Date: 2009-04-29, 12:56AM EDT

Free tan microfiber couch and loveseat set to any kind of home you are willing to provide. I don't care if you have 10 cats, 12 dogs and or baby triplets, you can take this set.

We got this set almost 6 years ago just before we got married. We thought it would last 10 years, what we did not realize is that we would spawn within our first year of marriage and that our darling beautiful children would be about as destructive as the children of the corn.

About every 2 months I have used Resolve Fabric Cleaner to try to keep these couches in good, presentable condition. But since we found out we had to move and we were not willing to allow this set passage to our new abode, I have not bothered to clean the couches. I may have made a meager attempt when I thought, "Perhaps I can get $25 for the set to put towards the new set..." but then I stood there looking at the set with a bucket in one hand, Resolve in the other and children shrieking in the background, and said, "What is the worth of my sanity?" The answer was $26 so I just parked my booty on the couch and watched Reba instead.

My husband spent at least one year of our 5+ year (and counting) marriage sleeping on the couch. Not because he had to but because he wanted to... Hot day? sleeping on the couch with the AC on... Cold day? Sleeping on the couch with a blanket on... Late night? sleeping on the couch with hand in pants... You know, typical man couch sleeping. So the couch has a huge dent/sinkhole in it... he did rack up some serious hours on that couch. IN FACT as I type here in the office, he is denting your couch even more! He must be stopped.

You may have to do a bit of work, washing the fabric and so forth but these couches have plenty of life in them, and if all else fails, SLIP COVERS. As I stated, I have two kids. These couches have seen their fair share. Oatmeal spill? You bet... Apple Juice dump?? For Sure!... Experimentation with a sharpie? Yippers! What they have not seen is smoke or pets... we have a smoke free, pet free home... and that is what really matters, am I right?

This set is perfect for a dorm room, especially if your child was a destructive little bugger. If you have a kid in college who cracked 18 eggs onto your kitchen floor after you just mopped, THIS SET IS FOR HIM. If you have a child who dumped 10 pounds of flour onto your floor because they were "cuking" then this is the ideal set for her! Just grab this set and say, "Here... this is what my furniture looked like for most of your childhood... enjoy!"

Don't get me wrong, this set is great for any kind of environment. My first thoughts were a first time home buyer, or a renter.... a college student... a family or person just starting out... or a crack den.

I will post pictures later on, since my half naked husband is parked there now... I am not running a brothel people, I will post them when he is off and/or dressed.

We are moving on May 1st and these couches will be on our street any time after 5PM. If you want to make sure you get them... you can email me and come and get them yourself. But be advised I will only schedule appointments when my husband is home, cleaning his gun... you are welcome to pick them up yourself on the first or gather them from the street.

This sassy Craigslist poster could be the Susan Boyle of undiscovered advertising copywriters. Just clean her (prose) up and turn her loose on Madison Avenue. (Watch out for the "hubby" with the gun!)